" sarah, you're crazy."

Yup! Take it or leave it, folks! :-D

You know, 50 years ago society didn't put so much emphasis on being happy & living to your potential. Well, they did, but the means to the end were very different than they are today. For example, when my grandmother asked me why David and I decided not to get married and go our separate ways, I told her that ultimately, we had "different life goals". She looked at me funny and said " Oh, we never had life goals". She got married because my grandfather was handsome and had a stable income, and it was just the thing to do. People didn't anticipate living much past 65. There was no Oprah, Dr. Phil...no propaganda saying "your personal happiness is the most important." You lived for your family. You worked, you had babies, you made sure dinner was on the table and that you bought sensible shoes on sale.

When I feel unhappy now, I try to think of just how bad it *could* be. When things feel too complicated I try to be thankful that I at least have a choice in most matters. Success, perfection......all illusions. I watched a good documentary on PBS last night by kids from UChicago where they travel the country and interview people with cool jobs how they got there. Most people said that they found their job by accident; by trial and error. The students doing the interviews had same look of fear in their face that I had. Poster children of our generation: wide-eyed 15-year-olds trapped in 22-year-olds bodies. Realizing that at that age their parents and grandparents had jobs and spouses . One of the artists they interviewed said " you should have goals, but not expectations". Having an expectation just sets you up for failure.

I want a day where I don't second-guess my decisions. I wonder if I am just genetically programmed for self-destruction...( well duh, everyone is, read: apoptosis.) I embarrass myself in public sometimes. Buying shots for an already anxious, wound-up, hormonal Sarah is like pouring water on a gremlin.

I don't know if this post had a point, or if I even had one before I started it. I just feel out of it.

Still waiting on info about my teaching certificate. And my phone died.

And I left mascara stains on his shirt. :(