Oh, so much to write about but the heat has evaporated my brain and any inkling of common sense I might have.

Julie moved back from Chicago and has grown up so much. I really enjoyed spending time with her this time around. She told me about living in an apartment in 'bucktown' with 5 other people and being around art and music and really smart people all the time. Unfortunately, it was too expensive to keep going to school there, but she said she didn't mind being back here because she missed Denton's 'scene'. What? Scene? I know what she's talking about, Denton has its own little niche -- one I prefer more than Dallas, but it's just funny to hear people talk about Denton positively. We talked about music and drank wine with her roommates, and I swapped my wilco and ben folds for 'snow patrol' and a flaming lips mix cd. We went to Garland yesterday for Jessie's Mary Kay party...yes...Jessie, who used to dress up like Courtney Love for halloween, had tattoos and 'questionable things' in her glove compartment all through highschool, is now a Mary Kay lady. What Julie and I did was hold and entertain hers and the head Mary Kay lady's babies while they set up. My arms are killing me today. I must have hauled baby butt around town for 4 hours. Aidan weighs 20 lbs and little Gabe probably weighed the same. I had fun. I really like babies, and I think Julie and I got our fix of mothering instinct. I came home with a shirt caked in slobber and the solid notion that God help me, no kids til 30.

My dad said today at lunch that married women get a portion of their husband's social security. He thinks that should be changed since women work nowadays too. Makes sense on the surface. But since I was in an argumentative mood I brought up that in the corporate world, women still only make 75 cents to the dollar that a man makes. And even still, ( thinking of the Mary Kay ladies having to work with their kids on their hips ), even if a woman works, they are still primary caretakers for the kids. Every woman I know with small kids -- my mom, my aunt, Jessie, Julie's sister Anna....when they're not working, they're taking care of their kids while dads...while they have good intentions, aren't wired to worry 24-7 about if their child is OK. So, I don't know if that would be considered a democratic/republican move or what...but I think it's still a-ok for a married man to dole out a portion of social security to his wife IF they're still married and IF they have kids together. Because afterall, it pretty much goes to the same place anyway. There are of course, the loopholes of divorce, or common-law marriage, or civil unions....but I don't know any of the law concerning that.

So after that little "warm-up" argument at our weekly lunch at Humperdink's with my sister, we got to the real bullshit. Seriously, I thought I would be off the hook from parental grief once I announced I had a real job. Nope. Nope! My dad is trying to tell me where to live. I explained to him I want to stay in Denton. Yessss I know it's far but I don't want to live in Arlington, Dallas, and especially not Waxahachie. WTF Waxahachie...do they even have apartments there? I think he secretly wants me to live closer to he and my grandparents. They're so clannish. They're going to have the next Branch Davidian complex out there. Branch Coxidian complex. Then I got bitched at for insurance, getting my radiator flushed on time, and of course, me spending too much money. But at the suggestion of getting a job for a month...thats ridiculous........

I'm just the guinea pig. Sarah E. Guinea pig. My parents had no fucking clue how to be parents when they had me and every subsequent experience is new. My sister is pampered. She sits there quietly sipping her drink while I get ripped into. Everything for her is taken care of. She goes to the more prestigious college ( not because she worked harder for grades or is smarter, but because she didn't have a job nor a family crisis to worry about). I am always the squeeky wheel, but the wheel is squeeking for a reason! God, I just hope this ends August 26. No more financial dependence. Ever.

Maybe I should just stop writing now because there is no creative process going on right now, just venting, and that's just so unattractive.

SO, random thoughts instead.

I really love the new Ben Folds album. I'm talking to Mikeymo about it right now....one of the last things I can really talk about with him without rolling my eyes or thinking " you tool" in my head. Mike is the first and only guy nay--person, who I pretty much had every single thing on the planet in common intially. I met him online, as lame as that was ...he was Suzi's friend. When I met him in person...sparks. I tried to fight it so so so long. He would leave me quotes from my favorite JD Salinger books on IM ( eerily, like Jake Gylenhaal in 'the good girl'). When I first legitimately visited him in Lubbock, I drove non-stop through the night to get there. We slow-danced in his living room in our pajamas at 3 am to "lullabye" by Folds. He sang the words, ' goodnight, goodnight sweet baby...the world has more for you than it seems, good night goodnight, let the moonlight take the lid off your dreams..." into my ear. Single most romantic moment of my life. But, we didn't have in common what counted...blah blah blah. And, he's probably dated every girl in west texas by now. Read: he has man-syndrome. Non-commital. Talking to him about music is a guilty pleasure though. We have the same tastes. And that's awesome.

Ok, my meter's gonna run out. I start moving into the manor tomorrow WOOHOO!