It sucks to feel old when you're 23. It sucks to have Trust ( yes, with capital T) be compromised so much that sometimes you don't even trust yourself. I don't act old, I don't look old, but I feel "old". I feel like I've felt and seen everything. I know I haven't....I just hate to feel stagnant.

As I sat in the auditorium waiting to take the ExCet...I felt tears well up in my eyes as I tried to concentrate on my grammar notes. I was not in the mood to take that mother at all. After all I've been through I wondered if I even wanted to teach anymore. Where's the rewind button? And oh, the test was hard. In a way I'm glad it was hard....to keep the yokels from teaching kids bad French. And you know what was funny? Miss Abnoxious from previous French study sessions had a seat RIGHT NEXT to mine. She couldn't fit her ass in it though....they had to move her across the room. I know I shouldn't laugh, but she really, really hurt my feelings that first time she confronted me. Anyway, the test challenged me, but I think I did ok. My brain felt mushy but it was a good, accomplished feeling.

I took Matt to the school Christmas party. I felt weird about going in the first place since I, you know, don't really like my job all that much...but it was SO MUCH FUN. Drunken karaoke with the teachers. I did the chicken dance with my principal. I sang " you're so vain" and " bohemian rhapsody" on stage with the foreign language department, and the whole room sang " take this job and shove it" by David Alan Coe. So, I think going to work on Monday will be easier than usual.

I'm ready to get excited about Christmas. I wrote my final exam for my classes and it's a doozy. I will administer it with a smile. After Friday I get 2 and a half glorious weeks....hallelujah!