Well...

Like I said, changes. The same thing is happening at this time, this year, as it did in the last. I'm taking inventory, revising, deleting, creating. This process scares me, but I've got to do it. I thought I had it allll figured out.

But there's no fun in that, is there?

And that's exactly what I'm trying to tell myself; that I am bettering myself and that the world is still my oyster. " There's beauty in the break down." It doesn't make it much easier to pull the covers off my turtle-shelled-up body in the morning.

First off, I have a phone call today at 4 to see if I'll be able to still get my teaching certificate on time. If so, I can still keep my job next year. If I want it. If not, I have a list of 5 psychiatric clinics that I would be qualified to work in. I think that might be fun. :-p Same line of work right? Crazy people everywhere. It would be a paycut, though. Well, maybe. ( Due to this ridiculous certification program and taxes and insurance, I only keep about 2/3's my pay check ).

Second, ( which sadly isn't second on my mind...more like first and foremost ), Matt and I are taking a break. I hate calling it that. It sounds so pesimistic. I see it as, us trying out the long-distance relationship before we have to really put it into practice. Seeing how it fits. After a day of crying so much the salt dried out my face, and he telling me he doesn't want to lose me but realizing neither of us are happy with the constant business hindering each other from spending quality time together..this was the conclusion we came up with. This way, we focus on the shit that needs to get done. 3 weeks, mainly so he can get through finals, poor guy. We spent the day together and it was nice to finally stop looking at each other like it was the last time and just laugh. I'm hopeful. Realistically...I know how it looks. Relationships are ridiculous. Now that everyone's afraid to get married, we have these mini-marriages where you don't actually sign papers. McMarriage, if you want to use a Grey's Anatomy term. What you're basically asking of your other is, for them to live your life with you, and vice versa. You see how it gets hard? Not to say that doesn't make life more worthwhile...but it's an adjustment.

So, now begins operation-distract-myself. Am seeking rad chicas who like to go out and have a good time, and don't necessarily have to talk to/about their boyfriends/husbands 24-7. I want to see that movie, " Thank You for Smoking". I think I might go to Lubbock to see Suzi. My dad is paying me 200 dollars to drive him from Waco to DFW airport. LOL! I've lost 6 more lbs this week. MIKEYMO is coming to Dallas for some more interviews and I will finally meet red-head Brent, who decided we must've been separated at birth we're so alike. :) We're all going out for a night on the town Thursday. Friday night I hope to find some people to go to Denton Art & Jazz Fest with. Soo much fun.

So, this will be good. I'm scared, but I think it'll be ok.

** be calm, be brave, it'll be ok :) **