Public Service Anouncement:

Teachers are great. I have a great deal of respect for teachers. According to the State of Texas, I am not reeeally a teacher; but an "intern with a probationary certificate". I do twice the work as the veterans, and almost 300 dollars of my monthly paychecks go to my 'Alternative Certification Program'. You'd think with this kind of payola, they would go out of their way to advise me. The only advisory I have really received is, " you need to register for these tests...do this now, or we wont recommend you for re-cert". Dude. These tests cost 150 bucks a pop. I have 3 of them. I know the perception -- that teachers make tons of money. ( Sarcasm ). Still, I take my tests on time. I passed all but one on the first try. 600 dollars later I passed my tests relatively when I was supposed to. Cept now...they "can't find " my internet assignments, and the final Languages Other Than English training was cancelled bc I was the only one who signed up. Honestly, this is like getting a whole other college degree in 9 months. Classroom management and learning about diversity and learning styles are no-brainers, but the content mastery ( at least for foreign lang. teachers) is ridiculous. I pretty much had to rocket from a hobbyist francophile to an almost-native speaker in this short time period.

But I feel like, it's for nothing. See, my REAL job is to babysit. To bark at kids to not throw their drinks at the janitor when he wheels the trashcan over to their table. To explain to them THE NEED to have their shirt tucked in, and that it is so vital that cheetos are not consumed in class.

I got so used to "shhh-ing" kids at work, I started doing this with my boyfriend when he wouldn't let me talk. This just makes me want to cry.

You could see me as an overpaid babysitter. However, if you factor in the 3000 I have paid to get certified ( which I most likely won't, at least not on time due to the powers that be conveniently fucking up the courses I need to take ), and the now 60! dollars a week I spend on gas to get there every week....it feels like slave labor. The teaching French thing? It's just a novelty. I've only had administrators in my room TWICE the entire year to see what I was teaching. Most their comments centered around suggestions about keeping the kids in dress code and quiet. sdkgnsdogkso COMPLAIN! WHINE! Sorry.

Anyway, my PSA: Teaching is great, but it is a commitment. If you go into an alt. cert. program -- Uh, SHOP AROUND, I DO NOT RECOMMEND REGION TEN. This profession will either suck you in or spit you out. If you're like me, who came into it thinking it was just something to do before I go to grad school to do what I REALLY want to do ( which sadly, i don't know anymore )...well, you should try substituting first.

And don't get me wrong. I have a class of kids that I just adore...they're so kind to each other and myself and make it easy to spark an interest in the curriculum. Other classes...I could dress up like Beyonce and pole dance at the front of the class, and they'd still be trying to beat the crap out of each other from across the room. ( I have switched the seating chart 11 times this yr in that class.)

I know that they need stability. They need safety and love. I am willing and eager to do that....but it's kinda hard to teach 27 other kids at the same time. It's so sad when I'm helping one with their work and I hear about 3 other " Miss! Miss! Come over here!" It's like what I'm really hearing is, " mommy! mommy! pay attention to me!"

So yeah. It's April, I haven't been paid in 5 weeks
I don't think I would accept the job I interviewed for even if they offer it to me
I still don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going ( I keep thinking I have a solution...and then I realize that it won't work )
I am hangin' on by a thread. Not even a thread; a hair
A hair that's been stripped of keratin


I pray that I will see the growth, the sunny side, the 'so-grateful-for-the-experience' stuff really soon.