I wish I could flag down a copy of "high fidelity" right now. That movie is pretty much the best break-up movie I've ever seen.

Everyone keeps saying " you're better off without him...that thing needed to die. that much argument is not normal. "

Right now, no. I am not better off without him. I can feel my empty dopamine receptors sighing in confusion. Love is a very physical thing; we're talkin brain chemicals. I'm in withdrawal. My heart sinks everytime I've passed his exit on the highway today. After wallowing this weekend I'll begin the process of putting away his pictures and doing stuff like changing my facebook status to single.

What happened? Eh, I don't really feel the need to write it all out. I honestly let him go before the break...that sunday I said I cried so much the salt dried out my face. I wanted to believe everything he said about things changing. I knew he deeply cared about me and god, the thought of him not being in my life anymore is even more heart-breaking. Things just didn't mesh. It was hard to say no to his sad pretty eyes, but I had to; or I knew my spirit and independence would be squashed forever.

Back to "High Fidelity". John Cusack in the movie quantifies everything into " Top Five, Top 10 lists". He talks about his Top 5 break-ups. My top 5 include: 2 phone break-ups, a break-up during " The Wedding Singer", one technical break-up over AIM, and two in the car. ( One in the parking lot of my old apartment, and now one in the middle of McCormick Street). The thing about these break ups; these people with which I've invested so much time and emotion, have taken little pieces me away with them and vice versa. It never hurts any less. My fear is, one day will I have nothing left to give? Right now the thought of being someone else makes me feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. I've had it.

But, thanks to the few people I've told or the people who've read ye olde blog and have been supportive. I always need distractions; in past experience not much good comes from me sitting around by myself being sad. I'll hang out with anyone who wants to have a good time. Err, a platonic good time. Not feelin the rebound hook-up. ( yet ;) )

Je suis kidding.