It's a 2 post kind of day.

I voted, reached my students on a different level, AND had Pei Wei.
( my fortune cookie told me my efforts are worthwile. )

So I'm sitting here alone, and I hear "shelter" by Ray Lamontagne and my heart just bursts.
" when all of this around us falls over, I'll tell you what we're gonna do, you will shelter me, my love, and I will shelter you"

I miss you-know-who, and it sucks. We argue. We argue because we are passionate. We want the same things, ultimately, just at different times and by slightly different means.
But it is getting better. We obviously aren't moving in together at the end of the month....so the apartment will continue to stay lonely. ( But all mine, so I guess that's still cool. )

Whenever I talk to him, I always say the wrong things. " Why aren't you here? Why do you work so damn much? What are you waiting for?" I know all these answers and need to come to terms with them. I admire him for doing things the right way.

Right now he's working in a rehab center/behavioral health hospital 60 hours a week. 60. He talks to junkies and alcoholics trying to change their lives on a daily basis. Sometimes he has to take a coworker to the real hospital when they get assaulted by a patient. He loves his job, even when it's too much. I don't think I could do 60 hours of anything much less be at work. He's doing this all now so he can finish school by May. I'm so happy for him that he has this goal, even if it means...I hardly see him.

I did go up there to see him in between his 2 16-hour weekend shifts. He took me out and we sat outside on the patio at Lou's and just listened to each other talk. I love how he uses his hands, and touches my knee and smiles when he's excited about something.

It's funny how you can take these simple gestures for granted until you're apart from one another.

So, that's that. Can't say what the future will hold...but I know he reads this thing vigorously and I rarely mention him or us, because it is still pretty complex. I just want him to know that I think about him at least every 5 minutes, and look forward to the next time we can be together. :)