Hey there. I survived the move and living by myself, and besides having a horrible time getting to sleep every night, I'm liking it. It's so nice being close to so many places, like the grocery store and the hardware store, and pretty much every other shopping venue, restaurant, or bar I would consider frequenting. I'm closest to Lavendou French Bistro and a Condom Sense store. One of my friends commented " vibrators and veal...you're set." Haha.

Matt finally came and saw my place, and after Pei Wei and Superman, we headed over to Frisco to help his siblings with his mom's 50th birthday surprise party. He thought I would be uncomfortable hearing all the Spanish and once again being the lone white girl. Actually, I love it. ( Not being the lone w.g. , but trying to figure out what everyone's saying. ) Knowing French helps me immensely...and I guess my mom would hit me upside the head if I failed to mention she's a fluent bilingual teacher. I've said this before but I am really envious of the closeness that Matt's family has. They genuinely enjoy spending time together, and sibling rivalry seems to have melted into friendships. Don't get me wrong, my relationship with my own family greatly improved ( when I left the house and moved away, haha ), and, I view more and more my parents as friends more than authorative disciplinarians. Still, I look forward to one day having my own "circle of trust". I want kids some day; I want to plant a seed and watch it grow. I battled with this for a long time...I am a selfish person. Seeing my friend and some of my family have children and watching how it changes them...baffles me. I can't fathom the love that it would take to allow something to change your life like that. And ya know, they don't even have to be my own kids. I have this nagging guilt that people who know about me say I shouldn't have. But. I basically promised God or Whoever and myself that I would do something to change the life of a child. Or children. For instance, I saw a show about foster children -- how there is a severe lack of households in the US to take wards of the state in until they can find adoptive parents. I would love to do that some day. My fear would be that I'd then end up like Mia Farrow with 14 kids. These thoughts are kind of new to me I guess, so maybe I'm just talking off the top of my head.

Matt and I are doing very well. Missing someone helps a lot...but we've been communicating and communicating and commuuuuuuuuunicattttting. The only sad thing is, we don't have many fans. It sucks that when you break up, your instinct is to vent your frustrations to all your best friends, and they hear about your pain and all these horrible-sounding things that this person did to you. And, they're exaggerated because in your broken heart, that's how it felt. I wish I could say " aw fuck em all"...but these are our good, trusted friends that are insisting that we snap out of it. We have decided to look at it as, these are people who care about us both enough to not want to see us be hurt again. And for that, we thank you. However, we hope that you can trust us to figure this thing out without any comments from the peanut gallery. Matt never beat me, abused me in any way, or did anything that I couldn't forgive. And vice versa. So, we're cool. He's seen me at my very best, and my very worst. Few people stick around for the extremes. And as for how I feel about him....after a year of highs and lows and plateaus, I look at him and still feel the butterflies. They were never gone. I'm so lucky to have someone who loves me enough to fight for me. It feels good to be able to stand up for something. Someone. Sure, we will have arguments. We may throw around the pots and pans and yell and scream ( hopefully not so much ), but in the end I know that at our core, we genuinely love each other and will always be our goofy selves trying to make each other laugh.

So, there. :-)