uploaded new pictures of graduation and beth's wedding.

at least i know that rock bottom has been hit. followed by the worst night comes the worst conversation. when he said " i just wanted to hate you" all i could remember is how many times he looked at me and said " i love you" and he meant it. and when i said " i'm ready to forget the last 3 years didn't happen", i wanted so much to mean it for my sanity. i wish it was like eternal sunshine where you could just pack everything in a box and send it away, and then have all your memories zapped. at least that's how i feel for now; i know i'd feel like joel barrish did when he said " wait! wait! just let me keep this one..." later on.

i know it's weird that allll this is just now hitting. maybe one day when i can think about it without crying or grinding my teeth, i can tell the whole story. i want people to learn from me.

Ok, end. I am leaving for Houston either at midnight or 4 am tomorrow so I can be at my aunt's office at 8 am.

I had my first "party garage" party at the Manor at Westwood and it was just what I needed. Robert really is like a brother to me. He jokingly suggested that we should string tin-can phones between our rooms like real brothers and sisters, but I would totally do it. When Andrew comes home from being a hippie vagrant at Kerrville Folk Festival, we shall plan accordingly and the moving will commence.

Oh, and I've been watching the news a lot thanks to no cable like comedy central or the food network to distract me. First, everytime I hear about bombings and landmines, I think of my new e-mail pal, Matt. I get scared. I watched about 45 seconds of the 'Nick & Jessica Tour of Duty" and wanted to puke at Jessica's rendition of "God Bless America". I don't know why; I like America. Maybe I just reaaaaallly hate the way she sings. And then I see the stuff about the old supreme court justices retiring, probably to be replaced with more Bush-friendly people, and they always almost immediately use that into a segway into Roe v. Wade. And I remember Fred telling me about a book called Freakonomics and a controversial statistic. And I get really sad.

Wow, all this and I told myself I wouldn't post today. Go self. And yes, I know it's heavy on the links ;) I love the interweb!